so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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