I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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