I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
last night I used snow as a chaser
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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