Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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