weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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