Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
