You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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