I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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