The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
