I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
