I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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