i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
