went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
