this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
