Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I could fuck to npr.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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