Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
