Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
