A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
