if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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