masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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