Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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