Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
