Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
