Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
