i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
someone owes me an orgasm
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You made out with two different species that night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
