i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
