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I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
