ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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