I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
