Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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