Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
