he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
