yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
