i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
