chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
