Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize