There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
