We won't sleep together?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
