bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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