My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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