Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
