chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
