idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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