White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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