Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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