When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
