Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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