Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
