fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize