I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Couch. On fire.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
