Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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