great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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