Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is Oprah even human
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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