I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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