just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
