i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
