How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
