TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
