Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
