My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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