She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
