so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just high enough for therapy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
