just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
