is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
