What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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