I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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