Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we're making bets on your personal life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize