i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
