haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
