Whatcha textin bout Willis?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
