When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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