hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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