i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
