i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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