just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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